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Leading With Belief

September 29, 2019

BY Missy Beavers

We are, back at Stanford and checked in for a month of treatments.

The F Ground cancer unit hasn’t aged a day in the 7 years since we’ve been here. We are even staying in the same room we had during his previous treatments! At times it feels like we are living in a memory as he repeats the same treatment process he went thought years ago.

But this time is so much different.

We are different.

Now we have a 3 year old son who we had to leave behind. The pain of that separation is almost as hard as the knowledge of a cancer relapse.

So we have been crying.

A LOT.

And that’s Ok!

The first time Willie had cancer I was afraid to cry because I thought it was weakness. I thought I had to be strong for him and soldier through while chanting war cries and waiving banners of strength. I thought tears were evidence of a lack of faith. That if I truly BELIEVED that he would be healed then there would be no need to cry.

Now I know that all of those thoughts were flawed, but I love myself for doing the best I knew how at the time.

I’m not the girl that thinks that way anymore.

Now I am open to feeling ALL of the emotions. I welcome them as teachers and participants in this event with us. My commitment is to be fully present in every moment of this experience and feel whatever needs to be felt.

We are having a totally different experience in the same hospital room!

Willie’s high dose chemo treatments started on Thursday. They are using 3 types of chemo at higher doses than last time in hopes of killing the rogue cells that escaped the radar of his transplanted immune system. He will receive these for 5 days then we wait for the cancer killing magic to happen.  It takes full effect around day 10 when his hair will jump ship at the same time the chemo annihilates the leukemia cells. His blood counts will drop and he’ll need infusions of red blood cells and platelets until his bone marrow begins producing on its own again. Then we will cross our fingers and pray that there is no evidence left of cancer so we can move on to stage 2.  So far the is handling everything like a champ with minimal discomfort!

I believe he can beat this.

The doctors believe he can beat this.

But, it’s so easy to focus on my unbelief. Those doubts can be so loud at times that they overpower everything.

One of my favorite stories in the bible is told of a father who brings his seizing son to the Savior and pleads with him for help. The Savior’s power to heal was well known and I’m sure this father was fully expecting a miracle.

The story continues in Mark 9:23-24

“Jesus said unto him, if thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.”

“And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief. “

This man speaks the words of my soul! I too believe that my husband can be healed, but I need A LOT of help with my unbelief.

There are two reasons this story is so impactful to me:

First, the Savior had all the ability to heal the child without requiring anything from the father. He could have cast out the devils on demand, but he taught the father a very important lesson that our BELIEF is what makes all things possible.

WOW!

You’ve probably heard me talk about how our thoughts create our feelings that lead to our actions and results.

Jesus Christ was always teaching us how to control our thoughts! In this story, the man was asking the Savior to provide a miracle of action, but that’s not His way. His way has always been to first control our thoughts and direct that belief toward HIM.

When we believe in HIM and HIS powder to heal, our feeling and actions are different.

The second impact of this story is in the father’s reply: “Lord, I believe; help though my unbelief.” I’ve often wondered how I would respond to Jesus if I was in that scenario, what would I say?

This experience has provided me with the opportunity to answer that question on a personal level. When Willie’s cancer relapsed, my initial prayer and cry to the Lord was that he be healed, that perhaps this could all be a fluke diagnosis that we wouldn’t have to endure again.

I was asking the same thing that the father in the story asked the Savior: To simply take the cancer away. To fix the problem.

But it doesn’t work that way.

Jesus taught us so clearly in these verses that we must LEAD WITH OUR BELIEF!

I’m guilty of approaching God with all of my doubts listed first. Of stating all the things that are wrong, or could go wrong, or that I currently THINK are going wrong, then I state my faith in Him to fix it.

That is exactly backwards from what the Savior and this humble father taught us in Mark chapter 9.

We are to lead with our belief!

I have been working on leading with my belief. Stating my complete and unbreakable faith in Jesus Christ knowing that HE will create whatever outcome is right for us.

I believe in HIM.

And that belief will provide the miracle, whatever that may be.

Thank you all for reaching out to us with prayers, love, support and affirmations of YOUR belief. We are so blessed to walk this path in the company of friends.